Yep, I decided to train for a marathon. well, not really.
i am actually going to start training for the reading of a 26.2 page book on "the idiots guide to running a marathon".
I am going to start reading 1 page a day for a week. Then the second week I am going to move and read the first two pages. I will read these two pages for one week. The third week I will add the 3rd page. I don't want to push myself too much, so i will take a day off somewhere in there. I haven't done much serious reading in awhile, so I don't want to hurt my eyes or brain or anything. Need to move on very carefully. I will probably see a doctor and get a physical at this point, just to make sure I am not going to hurt myself.
Anyway, I will add a page a week for about 20 weeks. At this point I will be close to understanding marathons. Everything in me will want to quit reading about marathons, but I know this is just "the wall". Must read through this! Will be tempted to get "book on tape", but can't give in!
Week 21 I will scale back a bit and reread the first 20 pages every day. Then I will add the 21st page the following week.
Week 23 I will add the 22nd page every day that week. Week 24 I will go hard and try to read pages 23 and 24 everyday. This will be tough. But Reading this Idiot's Guide for Marathons is a tough thing. It's not for wimps. Come hard or don't come at all! You have to be committed or else!
Week 25 I will take some time off and reflect on my training and think about the reasons for this madness.
Then on week 26 I will be ready to complete my reading. I hope to read all 26.2 pages in less than 4 days. That would be a good time.
Then after this I will be ready for Boston!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Tour de Seguin Takeoff!
Note to self:
Self...even though you are overweight, don't do it! Don't enter that cycling marathon! I know you like to ride a bike, but don't! Just stick to pretend riding. I know you took that cycling class in college and you think you can ride forever, but don't! That was then, this is now. Just send the money to the organization you are raising the money for, and call it good. save the sweat....
...and don't even think about buying that over priced 57-speed bike you can't pronounce with those invisible wheels with that tiny seat with those crazy shaped handle bars made in some part of Italy that I can't fit on, and pretend to ride it like you know what your doing. YOU CAN'T EVEN RIDE A BIG WHEEL!
...and do you really think you can go fast on that "cycle"? You know you won't ever get over 5 miles an hour! Skateboarders are passing you! Those cars who are being held up by that police officer can't wait forever! They have places to go. If you can't ride with speed with a 57-speed cycle, then give it to someone who could use it, the "pretend marathoner".
...and whatever you do, don't buy that pretend "tour de whatever" cycling suit thinking that you are "suppose" to look like that in it. YOUR NOT! Your suppose to look like those dudes in the Tour de France. Buy that Chuck Norris thing first, get rid of the rolls, then get you a sweet skinny cycling suit and then RIDE LIKE THE WIND! But until then, don't hurt people's eyes...
...and don't even think about the triathlon.
Just curious, does every small town in the world have to have a cycling marathon? Aren't those resevered for European towns? I was driving through Seguin, Texas one early morning about two months ago when an officer stopped me at a stop sign. "Hold it please!" he said. Now this was early, and it was outside of town, no one around...except for those two "not in shape" cyclists coming from the east on cycles they don't seem to be riding correctly. They were going maybe 2 miles an hour. "What? You want me to wait for them? They are 1/2 mile away and they aren't even moving". "Really? Wait?" I could run a marathon by the time they rode by me. So, I did(n't). Just thought about it (I had time.)
Well, I waited, then I wondered (a lot of time to wonder)....Why is there even a cycling race in Seguin, Texas? This is the pecan capital. When did it get all European? Will someone in the cycling world buy some land out in the middle of nowhere and build a track on it and let people run their cycle marathons on it all day, everyday, everyweek, and so on. You can call it "Cyclestock!"
Why do you always have to run or cycle to raise money? Couldn't the out of shape just write a check and save themselves, and others, some pain?
Do you need a physical to enter a cycling race?
What do the serious cyclists think of the not-so-serious cyclists? I think all out of shape cyclists (only those who wear the tight outfits that don't fit them thinking they actually do) should be shipped to the moon so they can ride around with the jumping marathoners. There is no gravity, but they will need space suits and space-cycles. And they will all be doing about the same speed.
Ok all future Tour-de-Seguin's and "not so ready to ride cyclists", it's time for you to...3-2-1-Takeoff!
Oh, did I mention I am training for a marathon? I'll blog about it tomorrow....
Self...even though you are overweight, don't do it! Don't enter that cycling marathon! I know you like to ride a bike, but don't! Just stick to pretend riding. I know you took that cycling class in college and you think you can ride forever, but don't! That was then, this is now. Just send the money to the organization you are raising the money for, and call it good. save the sweat....
...and don't even think about buying that over priced 57-speed bike you can't pronounce with those invisible wheels with that tiny seat with those crazy shaped handle bars made in some part of Italy that I can't fit on, and pretend to ride it like you know what your doing. YOU CAN'T EVEN RIDE A BIG WHEEL!
...and do you really think you can go fast on that "cycle"? You know you won't ever get over 5 miles an hour! Skateboarders are passing you! Those cars who are being held up by that police officer can't wait forever! They have places to go. If you can't ride with speed with a 57-speed cycle, then give it to someone who could use it, the "pretend marathoner".
...and whatever you do, don't buy that pretend "tour de whatever" cycling suit thinking that you are "suppose" to look like that in it. YOUR NOT! Your suppose to look like those dudes in the Tour de France. Buy that Chuck Norris thing first, get rid of the rolls, then get you a sweet skinny cycling suit and then RIDE LIKE THE WIND! But until then, don't hurt people's eyes...
...and don't even think about the triathlon.
Just curious, does every small town in the world have to have a cycling marathon? Aren't those resevered for European towns? I was driving through Seguin, Texas one early morning about two months ago when an officer stopped me at a stop sign. "Hold it please!" he said. Now this was early, and it was outside of town, no one around...except for those two "not in shape" cyclists coming from the east on cycles they don't seem to be riding correctly. They were going maybe 2 miles an hour. "What? You want me to wait for them? They are 1/2 mile away and they aren't even moving". "Really? Wait?" I could run a marathon by the time they rode by me. So, I did(n't). Just thought about it (I had time.)
Well, I waited, then I wondered (a lot of time to wonder)....Why is there even a cycling race in Seguin, Texas? This is the pecan capital. When did it get all European? Will someone in the cycling world buy some land out in the middle of nowhere and build a track on it and let people run their cycle marathons on it all day, everyday, everyweek, and so on. You can call it "Cyclestock!"
Why do you always have to run or cycle to raise money? Couldn't the out of shape just write a check and save themselves, and others, some pain?
Do you need a physical to enter a cycling race?
What do the serious cyclists think of the not-so-serious cyclists? I think all out of shape cyclists (only those who wear the tight outfits that don't fit them thinking they actually do) should be shipped to the moon so they can ride around with the jumping marathoners. There is no gravity, but they will need space suits and space-cycles. And they will all be doing about the same speed.
Ok all future Tour-de-Seguin's and "not so ready to ride cyclists", it's time for you to...3-2-1-Takeoff!
Oh, did I mention I am training for a marathon? I'll blog about it tomorrow....
take off marathoners
What's up all you marathoners? I'm not talking to the real runners, I'm talking to the "man that looks fun I should do it" amateur want-to-be-in-shape-and-fit-in-my-old-clothes-that-i-payed-alot-of-money-for runner.
Why are there so many of you? did i miss the meeting? are they giving away new flat screens or something?
26 miles? really? Just go to the mall and do some speed laps, eat a burger, buy some bigger clothes and a ribbon, then call it a day.
What? You are "training for a marathon"?....really? I saw you the other morning training, looked like you were about 15 miles in, and your face and body did not look like you wanted to be there.
do you really need to run a marathon? just get that thing chuck norris sells. Then you can be in shape and kick people's butt.
You know what I think: I think you just want the cool clothes and that paper number thing that identifies you as a "marathon runner", so you can talk about it FOREVER to all your friends.
News for you "walker" marathoners: Nope, you can't do it. You can't walk. I know you want to, but if you do, you give all the rights of calling yourself a real marathoner. All that hard work down the drain. You can't walk. I can do that. You need to take a step back and do a walking marathon.
You know what else, why they always have to run marathons in the city streets where it's the most populated....i do not want to be stopped by the cops why i watch all of you "walk" by. I got fatty foods to go eat. PLEASE, someone in the marathon industry please buy some land out of the middle of nowhere...I don't know, 27 miles worth, make a track, and run on it. You can even put some buildings and stop signs in there to make it look like a city. You could call it "Runstock". Then you can just run all your marathons there.
Or, you could just send all the marathoners to the moon to run. Of course they would need space suits. Then they wouldn't have to train because there is no gravity. They can just jump around 26 miles or so. That's it, send the marathoners off to the moon.
So to all the "marathon" want to be's,,,,,take off
Cyclists....your next.
Why are there so many of you? did i miss the meeting? are they giving away new flat screens or something?
26 miles? really? Just go to the mall and do some speed laps, eat a burger, buy some bigger clothes and a ribbon, then call it a day.
What? You are "training for a marathon"?....really? I saw you the other morning training, looked like you were about 15 miles in, and your face and body did not look like you wanted to be there.
do you really need to run a marathon? just get that thing chuck norris sells. Then you can be in shape and kick people's butt.
You know what I think: I think you just want the cool clothes and that paper number thing that identifies you as a "marathon runner", so you can talk about it FOREVER to all your friends.
News for you "walker" marathoners: Nope, you can't do it. You can't walk. I know you want to, but if you do, you give all the rights of calling yourself a real marathoner. All that hard work down the drain. You can't walk. I can do that. You need to take a step back and do a walking marathon.
You know what else, why they always have to run marathons in the city streets where it's the most populated....i do not want to be stopped by the cops why i watch all of you "walk" by. I got fatty foods to go eat. PLEASE, someone in the marathon industry please buy some land out of the middle of nowhere...I don't know, 27 miles worth, make a track, and run on it. You can even put some buildings and stop signs in there to make it look like a city. You could call it "Runstock". Then you can just run all your marathons there.
Or, you could just send all the marathoners to the moon to run. Of course they would need space suits. Then they wouldn't have to train because there is no gravity. They can just jump around 26 miles or so. That's it, send the marathoners off to the moon.
So to all the "marathon" want to be's,,,,,take off
Cyclists....your next.
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